The Auto-Rickshaw Driver Who Honked His Horn

This is the Aesop fable of The Boy Who Cried Wolf, retold by me, about the lovely city of Bangalore

There once was an auto-rickshaw driver who was bored as he drove around in his auto, causing traffic jams as he weaved in and out of lanes to pick up passengers. To amuse himself he beeped his horn for no good reason at all, startling the pedestrians crossing the street and the motorcycles whizzing past.

Cars swerved and pedestrians jumped, fearing they were about to be hit. But when the drivers and passers-by looked around, they found no vehicles in their path. The auto driver laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

“Don’t beep your horn for no reason, auto driver,” said the others, “when there’s no one in your way!” They drove away, shaking their heads.

Later, the auto driver beeped his horn again, BEEP! BEEP! To his naughty delight, he watched the other drivers bob and swerve to get out of his path.

When the other drivers saw no speeding cars barreling towards them they sternly said, “Save your horn for when there is really something wrong! Don’t beep your horn when there is no one in your way!”

But the driver just grinned and watched them drive away, shaking their heads once more and disappearing back into the traffic.

Later, the auto driver was approaching a giant intersection with a red light. It was late at night without much traffic, which as we all know means stopping is optional. All of the sudden, a big truck came speeding up from the other direction. Already in the middle of the intersection, the auto driver  beeped his horn as loudly as he could BEEP! BEEP! BEEEEP!

But the truck driver didn’t slow, he had gotten so used to hearing horns everywhere he went, that it had lost all meaning.

At sunset, the auto driver’s family wondered why he hadn’t returned home after work. They went to his normal driving spot and found him standing next to a smashed auto.

“There was a really big truck driver here! He didn’t see my auto and he ran it over! I beeped my horn but he didn’t even notice! I escaped just in time! Why didn’t he stop?”

An old man tried to comfort the driver as they all walked home.

“We’ll help you fix your auto in the morning,” he said, putting his arm around the auto driver, “Nobody believes a liar…even when he is telling the truth!”

 

 

Say What?

I love India…a lot…but sometimes I am left shaking my head. It has definitely taken some time to acclimate myself so that my immediate reaction is not are you kidding me?!? and is instead ha…only in India. I have written before about my sometimes frustration for the lack of logic, but I’ve grown slightly fond of it. Slightly. Depending on the day.

Last weekend I went to the grocery store to buy a few things. My total came to 458 rupees, so I handed over a 500 rupee note. The cashier, of course, had no change, so he scurried around to the other tellers to see what he could gather. When he came back he handed me 2-ten rupee notes. When I stood and waited, he apologized and and handed over another ten rupee note and two pieces of hard candy. When I inquired about the other two rupees…he pointed to the hard candies. I asked again, and he replied “No change madam, candy”.  Now, two rupees is about three US cents, so it’s pretty insignificant, even here. But the manner of the cashier, his attitude of why on earth are you still worried about two rupees? Didn’t you see the candy in your hand? left me laughing to myself as I walked away. Oh India.

Later that day I met up with a colleague for dinner. She is from Australia (along with most of my office), so everyone has been quite excited to check out the brand new Australian restaurant that had just opened up nearby. Mostly…we were quite intrigued as to what it would be. The menu looked great online, so off we went. Though it was 7pm on a Saturday night, we were only people on the outdoor, rooftop section. Well…only customers. There were 18 waiters and waitresses (yes, I counted) who hung out, stared at the white girls and hurried to get the EDM speakers and disco lights set up for our entertainment.

We were excited for the large beer list, something that can usually be a little hard to find here. There was a whole “foreign beer” section, which we both quickly reviewed and then placed our order. “Sorry,” the waiter replied, “we don’t have those”. We each picked a second choice, both of which were out of stock. When we asked what beer they did have, he pointed to Kingfisher, India’s home brew. So…out of the 20+ options, they had one. We settled on gin and tonics instead.

Next came the food. We both immediately saw calamari and said ohhh. But…it wasn’t meant to be. No calamari, either. We munched on our replacement wedges while perusing the remainder of the menu. We both decided on wraps – seemed simple enough. I ordered the mutton. After about fifteen minutes, the waiter brought out two plates, each with four sausages stacked, pyramid-style, next to a little salad and some dipping sauce. Hmm…wasn’t quite what we were expecting. The waiter first tried to tell us that the actual wrap wasn’t included and we would need to pay extra (though it was listed on the menu). Again…logic doesn’t get very far here. We started to argue, but then just said whatever, bring two.

After lots of discussions among the 18 waiters, we got free roomalis (aka tortillas) and complementary pink, sugary pina colada. Oh well…it was an adventure.

As my time in India is winding down I’ve started appreciating these little quirks a little more. Then, a colleague in Alaska sent me a picture of the town where I’ll be living. Oh man…I CANNOT WAIT.

Compare the top picture to the one below, which was a street festival this weekend on Bangalore. Also beautiful, but the contrast couldn’t be greater 🙂

A Day in the Life

I just finished reading the book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall. It’s the story of a tribe of ultra marathoners tucked away in a Mexican canyon and it talks a lot about the science behind running and the advantages of barefoot running. I’m a total sucker for statistics and logical arguments, which this book is full of, and I am now convinced that I need to try out this minimalist running for myself. It talks a lot about how injuries develop because of the unnatural stride of running in a cushioned shoe, and by switching to shoes with less padding it actually helps people with bad knees (me) and flat feet (me). It’s an excellent read if you have any type of interest in either running or anthropology. Stay tuned for my findings, though I might wait to test until post-India to avoid Bangalore sidewalk tetanus.

In other news, Serial Season 1 is back! Adnan was granted a hearing to assess whether he should get a new trial because 1) Cristina Gutierrez was totally incompetent and/or 2) there is “new evidence” which isn’t really new, but wasn’t actually examined in his first trials. Asia finally gave her testimony (and nailed it!) and cell phone records are being reanalyzed due to the inaccurate analysis in the previous trials and the cover sheet on the phone records was previously excluded. This is a big deal, because it states that incoming calls are inaccurate for determining location…and this was pretty much the main argument of the State. The trial has been extended until today to hear all of the testimony and then the judge will take his time to decide – experts are speculating approximately two months.

If you’re following this, I highly recommend listening to Sarah Koenig on Serial in tandem with The Undisclosed Podcast by Rabia Chaudry, Susan Simpson and Colin Miller. Rabia, Susan and Colin are all attorneys who created Undisclosed to dig deeper than Serial could and their commentary on the Adnan’s hearing is quite different from Sarah’s.

My final recommendation, if you’re in Bangalore, is to visit the Palace (see Veena’s deets here). The audio tour is pretty good and the architecture is beautiful. Check out some of my pictures below.

The Bangalore Palace

First, yes, the beginning rooms are really that yellow. No filters there. The bright red on yellow are all battle shields. All of the chandeliers and stained-glass windows were beautiful.

There was a lot of beautiful artwork throughout the Palace, but this painting of a woman was my favorite.

One of the really cool parts of the Palace was that it was obviously a lived-in house. The walls were covered in old family photos which were a really interesting view into the past. The audio tour talked a lot about the clothing the women had to wear…particularly how long their saris were.

 

 

Running My First Race

Last weekend I ran in my first race: The Bengaluru Pinkathon. I ran the 10K race (they also offered a 5K and a 3K) and despite some timing issues and the overuse of the phrase “Pink Sister” it was quite fun and well-run. Pinkathon puts on races across India throughout the year to promote running in women and also teach about proper technique. And, India’s beloved heartthrob Milind Soman (who is somehow related to Veena) even made an appearance, causing the ten thousand women preparing for the run to go crazy. It was like Justin Bieber walked on stage in a high school auditorium.  Luckily, 10K runners were already lined up to run and I hastily made my escape.

We waited at the starting line for a few minutes…apparently there was also a half marathon which was unadvertised, and the course consisted of running the 10K course two times. We waited for them to pass, and off we went! The course was well-planned and well-marked along the way with big banners every few kilometers to remind you of your distance. Traffic was stopped (at least for the first group) and included a nice sprinkling of minor hills. The hills were small enough that the uphill portion wasn’t too bad and the downhill portions were just inclined enough to give weary legs a rest. Just around 8.5Km, when I began to get pretty tired, there were two cows in the middle of the course AND two drummers on the side of the road, drumming away. These provided me with enough amusement until I reached the banner that said  1000 METERS. Woo! I was quite proud of my first race: 10K in 1:04. Not a winning time, but not too bad for my first attempt and faster than my practice runs. I’ll take it!

After I finished my run I picked up my snack bag and found a nice, empty spot on the ground to relax, stretch and enjoy my snacks while waiting for my friends. Despite stating that there was a 5:30am reporting time for all…5K participants didn’t actually begin their run until around 7am. Veena was running the 5K so I had some time to kill. While I relaxed and enjoyed the fantastic people watching which never disappoints in India, a man walked up to me and asked if I wanted a free foot massage. There weren’t many things in that moment which could have made me stand up, gather my acquired prizes and move from my comfy little corner…but the phrase free foot massage was certainly one of them. Nice touch, Pinkathon.

Veena, Gayatri and I hanging out in the Winner’s Area before the race.

Pinkathon had photographers along the route to snap shots. Mine came out pretty horrible…they’re so bad they’re actually quite comical. Here is the only one which is was acceptable. The guy in the bottom left corner with the pink head wrap is my drumming buddy.

Zumba-class warm-up, starting line, and my favorite: the Avon table which was set up to “refresh make-up” for all of the sweaty runners. Only in India.

 

Happy Republic Day!

India’s Republic Day falls on January 26th each year. It celebrations the signing of the Declaration of Independence and their proposed split from the British Empire. Note: it’s not the same as their actual Independence day. Basically, it’s the day they said “We’ve had enough,” and began their quest to be recognized as a separate nation. Other fun fact: Republic Day is one of only three national holidays in India. Yes, I said three. Despite the weekly festivals, only three days are recognized holidays by every single state. The vast majority of holidays are celebrated regionally (can you imagine if California didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving??) so many festivals in Bangalore aren’t a big deal in New Delhi and vice versa. The other two holidays which garner national observance are Gandhi’s birthday on October 2nd and Independence Day on August 15th.

2016 marked the 67th Republic Day, which was primarily celebrated in the capital city of New Delhi with parades and, of course, lots of fireworks. Each year they invite a guest of honor, usually a head-of-state or high level government official from an alliance country. Last year, they invited US President Obama, making him the first US President to receive an invite. This year France’s President Francios Hollande was in attendance, making him the 5th Frenchie to receive the honor.

Bangalore didn’t have too many celebrations (nor many firecrackers, thank goodness – I still haven’t quite recovered from Diwali) but they did have their annual Republic Day Flower Show in Lal Bagh Gardens. This year’s show paid tribute to the 150th birthday of Gustav Krumbiegel – a renowned horticulturist and architect who is primarily responsible for planning the streets of Bangalore. Personally, after living here for six months, I’m not quite sure that the person responsible for the city planning of Bangalore would be at the top of my list to honor (think: Boston’s anti-grid system with 10x the traffic) but oh well. I’m sure he had good intentions.

The flower show provided me with both excellent people watching and flower displays which left me quite confused about what the designer was trying to convey – which was quite entertaining. Veena and I went a few days early to check it out and beat the crowds. We had a nice morning run inside the garden grounds and then made our way to the Glass House where the main showing took place. Check out some of my favorite photos below 🙂

The highlight of the show for me was this lovely creature. We dubbed her as “Bertha” and were so delighted at her existence in the center of the show. Locals flocked to take selfies and seemed to appreciate her for a whole different set of reasons than Veena and I. My only question was: Why?

Second to Bertha was this creepy-looking baby. Again, it garnered a different type of appreciation from these ladies than from me. I would like to know what this designer was trying to convey when creating this baby head among the flowers.

Bertha’s guard, perhaps? This fellow was stationed outside of the glass house, and I can only imagine that he is patrolling the red-flowered seas to make sure no unworthy suitors come to court young Bertha. Or, potentially he is on the lookout for her hairdresser, who I would guess is not welcome back.

This is the replica of Gustav Krumbiegel’s home. Nice, but it doesn’t hold a candle to my friend, Bertha.

This lovely totem pole sat next to the baby face…again, I’m not quite sure what they were going for. Also, the green material they put outside of the Glass house makes all of the photos appear to have a strange Instagram filter.

Some of the more typical, flower show photos.

 

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego

It’s that time of year again – the time where I hurry to read books I don’t want to have to carry with me, enjoy my last few months of tropical weather and obsessively check Kayak. That’s right, folks. I’m on the downhill slide of my time in India. Two months left, to be exact. I’ll be spending the following six months in…drum roll please…ALASKA! Yippee!

It’s been pretty high on my list the past year – so I finally did some research and made it happen. It was pretty quick actually – it barely even passed my obligatory one-week waiting period before it became official. I’m really excited for fresh air, mountains that meet the sea, hiking, kayaking, delicious seafood among so many other things. It’s also a place where I’m legally allowed to work, so that is helpful.

I really love living in India, but while I was walking to work in the Bangalore traffic actively trying not to get run over…it made me smile to think that in just a few months my life will be completely different. Glaciers, dogsleds and moose sound almost as exotic as saris, coconuts and elephants did to me a year ago.

The only unfortunate bit is that I won’t really have any time to travel throughout India before heading home. As it is I’ll have to finish part of my current commitment in India remotely from the States. Oh well…I guess that just means I’ll have to come back! I will have some weekends to check out Southern India – if any of you have some recommendations of some great weekend destinations, let me know!

How to Drive without Brakes

Here in India, people don’t really believe in braking. The streets of Bangalore are like the racing video games I would play on Sega Genesis as a kid – my goal was to get through the course as fast as possible. I never quite got good enough to master the skill of braking…I preferred to wipe out. I was convinced it was faster. After all…why would anyone voluntarily slow down? If you hit a tree, scratch the bumper or take out a street lamp in the process…oh well. (Side note: Obviously I was never very good at those games.) In India, braking is more of a philosophy than a key element – it’s an optional strategy…just like the video games. It’s something you do if you want. If it’s not for you, no worries. You see…India doesn’t need brakes. They have something else – they have the horn.

I know what you’re thinking – I have a horn, too! I am sure, however, that you are not using it properly…at least according to Indian standards. Follow these simple principles and you, too, can drive without brakes!

1. Beep when you accelerate. Don’t just tap it, either. This is a minimum of a three-second beep. This lets others know you’re speeding up.
2. Beep when you’re slowing down. Again, just lay on the horn instead of pushing on the brakes. People will eventually move out of the way when you get close enough. Best strategy for this is to continually press on the horn until you can speed back up again – and don’t forget to beep to signal acceleration.
3. Beep your horn any time you approach a cross street. This allows potential traffic ready to pull out onto your road to hear you coming, so they can stay out of your way.
4. Beep when you want to turn left or right. This allows you to take intersections at full speed – no brakes needed here!
5. Beep when you’re on a crowded road to let others know you’re n a hurry – they might not realize how precious your time is and how little you enjoy sitting in traffic. To make sure they really get the idea, keep beeping until you can move again.
6. Beep when you’re driving down a big empty road – you wouldn’t want any dogs, people, other vehicles to think the entire road is empty. Give them fair warning you’re around!
7. Beep when there are pedestrians walking down the street. Sometimes people aren’t paying attention. You don’t want them to accidentally dart in front of you. Better let them know you’re passing by.

See how easy it is to drive brake-free?

Old Dog, New Tricks

When I was home for the holidays, I taught my friend’s four-year-old son the art of knock-knock jokes. It started here:

1: Knock-knock
2: Who’s there
1: Interrupting cow
2: Interrupting co–moo!! (said by person 1…interrupting #2! HA.)

This quickly devolved…with my encouragement…and among many, many others favorites included:

• interrupting starfish (open palm with five fingers interrupts you by suctioning itself to your face)
• interrupting jellyfish (interrupts by stinging you)
• interrupting pinching bug (guess what this one does…)

and then my personal favorite, invented by the four-year-old…the interrupting hug. So cute. Everyone always loves when cool Aunt Cindy comes to visit and teaches fun new tricks! 🙂

In India, I am constantly learning cool new tricks everyday. Some are novel, some are odd and almost all are completely out of left field. It would be so interesting to know how some of these originated. Below are some of the innovative tricks I’ve learned recently which actually make sense.

In Bangalore, there are a ton of street dogs – more than any other city in India. I noticed that about 90% of the time they are missing the tips of their ears. I thought it was really strange and cruel – why on earth would someone do that? I recently learned the answer – the ear tips are cut of dogs which have been spayed or neutered. Because there are so many street dogs, there are a number of programs working on “population control.” When the vet is driving down the street, he can tell which dogs need to be clipped with little more than a glance. Sure, you could argue is a little cruel (and you wouldn’t be wrong), but it is also pretty smart.

Indian food uses A LOT of onions – which I am a huge fan of. It never fails, however, that when I’m cooking I can’t get past onion number 1 without sobbing. Recently I was attempting to cook dinner with a friend, eyes full of tears, and she handed me her motorcycle helmet. I looked at her like she was crazy, like any normal person would do, until I tried it out. I’ll tell you what…it looked a little ridiculous but it worked wonders. Brilliant.

Did you know you can do more than make toast in a toaster? If you take a pop-up toaster and lay it on it’s side, you can put your desired sandwich fillings on top of each piece of bread and slide it in the toaster. When the time is up and it pops out…you have a home-made panini ready to be assembled 🙂

I guess you could call these Life Hacks – A La India

What Have You Invented Today?

I’ve spent the better part of this week researching products which could make your life better if you lived in an Indian slum. In the past, I’ve checked out different technological advances which are revolutionizing life in the developing world, like the cardboard bike and the machine which generates energy from human waste. The human mind is amazing. Maybe there are MORE inventions are coming out or I am just digging deeper; I’m not sure – but I was pretty impressed this week at the volume and variety of gadgets there are. Some are plain and practical, some are flashy, but all are amazing. Here are my favorites which I’d never heard of before, in no particular order.

1. Artificial Leaf – No particular order except for this one. This blew me away. It’s a small, silicon strip about the size of your thumb, dubbed the “artificial leaf,” and when you place this in water it generates electricity. In a few years, two bottles of water will be able to provide a home with 100W of electricity, 24 hours a day. Sound crazy? It kind of is. The silicon is coated in specific metals that when placed in a glass of water in sunlight, the artificial leaf separates the hydrogen
   and oxygen molecules within the water. Professor Daniel Nocera, a professor of energy at Harvard University has been working on the artificial leaf for years. The most recent version is able to be used with dirty water – the artificial leaf prevents bacteria from sticking to the surface. You could literally stick it in a puddle and generate fuel. Hydrogen is a very powerful fuel, but unfortunately his invention has outpaced the rest of the products in the world – everyday products are not set up to run on hydrogen gas. Nocera is advocating for technology which uses hydrogen instead of other fuels. I’m sure this is not the last time you will be hearing about this.
2. Soccket – I know I mentioned this briefly in my last post…but it is too good not to put in the list. Kick this soccer ball (dubbed “Soccket Ball”) around for 30 minutes and generate 3 hours of power. They also make a jump rope. I love that this combines renewable energy with exercise. Each one costs $99 – so not too applicable if you are living in poverty but it’s pretty cool all the same. 
3. Eliodomestico – Not only does this purify water but it converts salt
   water into freshwater as well – and it is not much more than a clay pot and plastic tank. It works by using the sunlight to heat the  dirty water, creating condensation which is collected in a bowl at the bottom. The bowl is even fashioned to be easily carried on your head, which is how most women living in villages carry heavy items.
4. Power Felt – This “fabric” collects body heat, or the heat emitted from any object and turns it into energy. In other words, add a little
   of this onto your iPhone case and charge your phone by sitting next to it. Mind blown.
5. Chulha Stove – This one isn’t too flashy, but it is exactly what I was looking for. People living in slums typically cook over open fires that they light with kerosene and burn inside their hut (called chulhas). Kerosene is terrible for the environment, but even worse for the lungs. There are several stoves that run on cleaner energy, but they’re all single-burner or quite pricey. When we tried these out in communities a few months back, no one wanted to invest so much money for a single-burner stove. Enter: the Chulha Stove! It uses wood, has two burners and has a little chimney to remove any smoke which is created. What’s even cooler? This product was designed by the international company Philips. They don’t sell them, but they put all of the specs online with step-by-step directions on how to build them. There are several retailers throughout India which sell the molds, or you can make your own. I love that they’re sharing ideas. I will likely be rolling up my sleeves, pouring some concrete and making one of my own to try out in the near future.

I hope you were as blown away by some of these as I was. Know of a cool inventions making the world a little better? Let me know!